Throw them to the lions!
England's bloodlust was dramatically sated in Rome's modern sporting colosseum as Ukraine were ruthlessly torn apart, victims of such savagery that might make an emperor think he could soon rule Europe.
Four-nil, and even Jordan Henderson scored. England doubled their goals haul for Euro 2020 and have still yet to concede. This is Italian-like behaviour by the Three Lions. Where was the drama, where was the pain? This team rarely make it easy for themselves but here they trampled all over the opposition.
Goodness knows what Denmark made of it all, given they are next in line.
Home advantage at Wembley seemed to serve Gareth Southgate's players well in their early games at this tournament, and being taken out of that comfort zone triggered all sorts of concerns. If goals had been hard to come by at home, then would this be one of those nights of England toil, where perhaps they might grind out something ugly and winning but perhaps their bubble might burst too? Would it all end miserably, probably on penalties in that great English tradition.
By the time substitute Henderson nodded Mason Mount's corner past Georgi Bushchan for the fourth goal of the night, any such concerns had long been banished.
The Liverpool captain's first senior England goal arrived on his 62nd appearance. Of all England's goalscorers in their history, nobody has waited longer for that magical moment. Sol Campbell had been the previous holder of that curious record, scoring his first in his 47th appearance.
It was a third headed goal of the night, England now Europe's masters at using their noggins, netting 10 headers across this campaign and their 2018 World Cup semi-final run, where no other European side has managed more than four.
This team plays some beautiful football on the floor, with Jadon Sancho coming into the England ranks for this game and looking like he had been playing there all throughout this run, which will come as good news to Manchester United. Raheem Sterling's winding run and super throughball for Harry Kane to prod the fourth-minute opener was typical of this new England.
"I think rotations in the forward area for this team is so important," Rio Ferdinand said on the BBC at half-time. "People that run off the ball, run people away – it's not there for the naked eye sometimes, but it's people who are running people away, opening space and creating space."
Alan Shearer chipped in too: "Everyone's on the same wavelength, everyone wants the ball, backing each other up. It's really, really intelligent, exciting play."
But England do not eschew the direct stuff; Luke Shaw with a free-kick bang into the heart of the penalty area to set up Harry Maguire for the thumping 46th-minute header that made it 2-0, sparking joyous celebration.
And then Shaw with the delicious cross to give Kane the chance to nod England three clear just four minutes later.
Shaw, it should be said, was exceptional.
In the stadium where Jose Mourinho will resume his coaching career in the new Serie A season, as boss of Roma, Shaw provided the perfect response to his former Manchester United manager's recent criticism.
Mourinho reckoned Shaw's set-piece delivery in England's group game against the Czech Republic had been "dramatically bad", but even the Portuguese might shrink from picking any holes in this display.
It was remarkable that Kane finished as the Premier League's top scorer in Mourinho's muddle of a Tottenham side last season, and absurd that a couple of so-so performances for England early in this tournament should have led to doubt being cast on his place in Southgate's team.
He now has three goals in Euro 2020 and nine major tournament strikes across his England career, one behind all-time leader Gary Lineker.
Kane almost reached 10 in Rome, lashing a brilliant volley that was beaten away by Bushchan for the corner from which Henderson scored.
History told us that this game would go to penalties – all three of England's previous European Championship quarter-finals had.
Yet new England have little respect for anything that history might dictate, and now Wembley awaits them on Wednesday. England return home as heroes.
"It's the hope that kills you," Lineker joked on the BBC. To any English person used to failure, this all feels too good to be true.
But as Southgate said, teeing up the Denmark game moments later: "Everybody can really look forward to that, it's brilliant."
Man Utd matchwinner Fernandes: Criticism part of the job
Bruno Fernandes said Manchester United's players cannot afford to get annoyed by outside criticism, after he scored twice to fire the Red Devils to a much-needed win over Sheffield United.
Erik ten Hag's team were roundly criticised for their performance in Sunday's FA Cup semi-final against Coventry City, as they surrendered a 3-0 lead to draw 3-3 before inching through in a penalty shoot-out.
They had also gone four Premier League games without a win (three draws, one defeat) prior to Wednesday's meeting with the rock-bottom Blades, with their hopes of Champions League football all-but over.
They twice trailed as Sheffield United threatened a huge upset, but Fernandes scored twice and supplied an assist as they fought back to claim a 4-2 win.
Asked whether the noise around Sunday's semi-final win had affected the mood at Old Trafford, Fernandes told Sky Sports: "That's part of the job.
"You can be in a run of games where you win eight or nine in a row, and when you lose one you know you'll be criticised.
"Being at Manchester United demands winning every game, so it's part of the job. If there is anyone in the dressing room still not used to that, they will get used to it!
"Being a Manchester United player demands being ready to receive as much criticism as praise. We receive praise when we do good things so we can't be annoyed by the criticism.
"When people want to do that, they might have a point. We can think in a different way, but we have to take it in the same way as we take the credit they give us."
Ten Hag's team did look disjointed for long periods on Wednesday, though, and they have now conceded 50 Premier League goals this season.
The Red Devils have now shipped a half-century of goals in two of their last three Premier League campaigns, having done so just once in their previous 29.
Ten Hag, though, was content with most aspects of their performance, saying: "It was a good game for the crowd, they saw four goals and many chances that we created.
"I think we played quite well, we created many more chances, so there's many positives. But also negatives. Conceding two goals from giveaways, that's unacceptable.
"We want to play dynamic, attacking football. That is what we want to see. Since the winter we have created lots of chances and also scored a lot of those chances."
Premier League record falls as 2023-24 becomes most goal-laden 20-team season
The current Premier League season has become the most goal-laden 20-team campaign in the competition's history, with Harry Maguire the unlikely man to seal 2023-24's place in history.
Maguire scored Manchester United's first equaliser as they twice fought from behind to clinch a 4-2 win over Sheffield United on Wednesday, with Bruno Fernandes netting twice in the second half.
The centre-back's 42nd-minute header was a significant moment, representing the 1,085th goal scored in the Premier League this term.
That is the most ever scored in a season containing 20 teams, since 1995-96.
The 2022-23 season saw 1,084 goals scored, a tally that was reached on the final day to surpass the previous 20-team record of 1,072, set in 2018-19.
It was somewhat fitting for the record-breaking goal to be conceded by Sheffield United, who have certainly played their part in making 2023-24 the most goal-laden season to date.
The Blades have now shipped 92 goals this term, the most ever conceded in a 38-game Premier League campaign.
With four games to come, including a rematch with a Newcastle United team that thrashed them 8-0 earlier this campaign, the prospect of Chris Wilder's men bringing up triple figures is a realistic one.
Atalanta 4-1 Fiorentina (4-2 aggregate): Gasperini's team into Coppa Italia final
Atalanta beat 10-man Fiorentina 4-1 in the second leg of their Coppa Italia semi-final on Wednesday to send them into the final with a 4-2 aggregate victory.
Ademola Lookman and Mario Pasalic netted in stoppage time to settle a thrilling tie, and Gian Piero Gasperini's Atalanta, who are also into the Europa League semi-finals, will now face 14-time Coppa Italia winners Juventus on May 15.
Atalanta, who lost the first leg 1-0, were quick to level the tie when midfielder Teun Koopmeiners scored in the eighth minute. However, Fiorentina defender Lucas Martinez Quarta netted with a header following a free kick after the break.
Gianluca Scamacca then levelled the tie again in the 75th minute with a stunning scissor kick, before Lookman made it 3-1 on the night in stoppage time, paving the way for Pasalic to put matters to bed.
Data Debrief
Atalanta are the first team to qualify for the Coppa Italia final after having lost the first leg since 2014-15, when Juve overturned a first-leg defeat... which also came against Fiorentina.
Koopmeiners, meanwhile, is the midfielder who scored the most goals in all competitions this season among those playing in Serie A (14).
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