The last time Chelsea binned off Frank Lampard, they won the Champions League four months later.
They brought him back, have immediately lost four games on the trot and won't be kings of Europe this year. Nor will they be contesting this competition next year.
Sometimes good things come to an end, but Chelsea and Lampard have past glories they can rely on and seem happy enough together again, so don't cry for them.
All those signings in January, and then this? All the brilliant leadership from Todd Boehly, and then this?
Real Madrid have more past glories than any club in the history of this competition, landing their 14th title last May, and they cleared the Chelsea hurdle after Carlo Ancelotti somehow outwitted Lampard.
Honestly, who saw that coming?
This was football as some sort of abstract performance art from the men in blue and their boss.
Stealth tactics, confuse the hell out of them. Play N'Golo Kante as a roving forward, why not? Have Conor Gallagher as the man nodding down crosses for the little Frenchman, why not? Madrid won't know what's hit 'em!
On seeing Chelsea's starting line-up, featuring world-beating holding midfielder Kante as the frontline attack dog, snooker star and Blues fan Neil Robertson tweeted: "I'm a little confused with this lineup. Hopefully a master plan!"
Sure Neil, let's call this a master plan. Just like playing a frame of snooker with the butt end of a cue would be considered a sound tactic, this was a master plan all right.
Eleven minutes in, this supreme strategy should have brought Chelsea a goal when Reece James' cross broke to an unmarked Kante.
From 12 yards the French World Cup winner surely would hit the opening goal and give Chelsea the dream start they were after.
Reader, he did not. A wild swing of the left boot sent the ball wide, but my word, did Madrid already look confused.
After playing 30 games in the Champions League without ever scoring, it was surely a matter of time before Kante broke that duck in this game. He was born to be the match winner.
James took a hapless touch on another Chelsea attack and Madrid's Vinicius Junior shepherded the ball out of play for a goal kick, being told to 'f*** off' by at least one Chelsea supporter for his efforts.
Madrid were surely on the ropes now with such vitriol adding to their woes.
Sure, Rodrygo whacked a shot against the outside of the Chelsea right post. But the home side were flying.
Kante had four touches in the first 20 minutes, the fewest of any player on the pitch. Madrid were being lulled into a false sense of security, their 2-0 first-leg lead suddenly so vulnerable.
Sure, Luka Modric’s sharp shot from a tight angle was then bundled behind by Chelsea goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga.
Chelsea full-back James got in on the right and looked to play a quick ball to the striker attacking the near post, except that player unfortunately did not exist.
In the 38th minute, Kante was the man dashing down the right, and the makeshift winger’s cross would have been ideal if Chelsea had a striker in their ranks. As it was, it ran through the penalty area and out again before Madrid cleared their lines.
Kante then won a corner, and Kai Havertz flicked it on, Conor Gallagher headed it up, and nobody nodded it in.
In first-half stoppage time, Chelsea had the best chance of the half, when James' delicious low cross from the right inevitably missed the players in the middle and ran through to left-back Marc Cucurella.
The £55million defender was not necessarily acquired for his finishing, having only netted once for Brighton and Hove Albion, and he duly kept up his record of never having netted for Chelsea as Thibaut Courtois kept out his strike.
By half-time, Kante had pulled level with the goalkeepers on 17 touches each. Progress.
The chances kept coming after the break and Kante had another glorious opportunity when Gallagher nodded the ball down. Kante got to the ball and smacked his shot straight at defender Eder Militao.
Havertz trickled a low shot straight at Courtois, and Madrid were surely by now boggled by this master class in mind games. You could knock them down with a feather by this point.
Yet after almost an hour of banter-ball, Madrid scored when a short pass from Vinicius teed up Rodrygo to smash in from close range.
But wait! In the 67th minute, Lampard introduced three players with goals in their veins: Raheem Sterling, Mykhailo Mudryk and Joao Felix.
Hold them back until the game's lost, Frank, then unleash them, baby!
The Spanish giants withdrew Benzema after 70 minutes, sparing him from such advanced confusion tactics.
All Chelsea needed now was four goals.
Madrid scored next, Federico Valverde dancing past Thiago Silva and squaring for Rodrygo to net again. Two-nil on the night, four-nil on aggregate.
Just five goals needed now.
Frank, I don't think this is going quite to plan.
Barcelona 4-2 Valencia: Lewandowski hat-trick leads Barca to 4-2 win over 10-man Valencia
Barcelona striker Robert Lewandowski scored a second-half hat-trick to help his side fight back to claim a hard-fought 4-2 win over Valencia, who were leading 2-1 when they were reduced to 10 men just before the break.
Fermin Lopez's header from a Raphinha cross put Barca in front after 22 minutes, but Valencia's Hugo Duro struck in the 27th and Pepelu scored from the spot after a foul by Ronald Araujo 11 minutes later to give the visitors the lead.
But after Valencia keeper Giorgi Mamardashvili saw red for a handball outside the box before the break, Xavi's side dominated and Lewandowski scored with two headers from corners in the 49th and 82nd minutes before getting his treble with a free-kick in added time.
The win postponed Real Madrid's almost inevitable LaLiga title celebrations for a couple of weeks as Carlo Ancelotti's side sit atop the standings on 84 points.
Barcelona moved back to second in LaLiga on Monday with 73 points as they leapfrogged surprise package Girona, who are third with 71. Those two teams will meet in a Catalonia derby on Saturday.
Data debrief
Barcelona conceded two goals in the first half of a home game for the second time this season, after also doing so against Girona in LaLiga in December 2023.
However, Lewandowski's goals have been invaluable to La Blaugrana this season as he's earned 17 points with his 16 goals in the league.
Kimmich ready to open Bayern Munich talks amid Barcelona speculation
Joshua Kimmich is ready to open talks with Bayern Munich over his future at the club amid speculation linking him with Barcelona.
The Germany international has spent nine years at the Allianz Arena, but he is due to become a free agent at the end of the 2024-25 campaign.
Barca have been repeatedly linked with Kimmich in recent transfer windows and are said to retain an interest ahead of next season.
Speaking to Spanish outlet AS, the midfielder talked up Barca - as well as fierce rivals Real Madrid - but fell short of saying he is open to a move.
"I want to talk to Bayern. When I do that, I won't go out and talk to the press about it," he said.
"I'm not thinking about this. I will speak to Bayern first. But of course, Barcelona and Real Madrid are amazing clubs with an amazing history."
Kimmich has played 37 times in all competitions this season for Bayern, whose last remaining hope of silverware is in the Champions League.
Bayern will face Real Madrid over two legs for a place in the final, with the first match in that double-header taking place in Bavaria on Tuesday.
Thomas Tuchel will depart the dethroned Bundesliga champions at the end of the season, with Ralf Rangnick the favourite to succeed him.
The managerial uncertainty is not helping with regards to the Kimmich rumours, but he insists that will not be a deciding factor on his future.
"It's not the most important thing right now," he said. "I know that when you sign a contract you don't sign it with the coach.
"You sign it with the club. For me, the most important thing is the club, not just the coach.
"But it's also important to know what the coach thinks about you and the team. Other people in the club can worry about choosing the coach."
Desailly calls on LaLiga to do more to protect Vinicius Junior
Marcel Desailly has called on LaLiga to do more to protect Real Madrid forward Vinicius Junior and other players who have been targeted by racist abuse.
Vinicius broke down at a press conference earlier this month as he opened up about the abuse he has received from the stands while representing Madrid.
The Brazil international is not alone in that regard, with team-mate Aurelien Tchouameni another example, and World Cup winner Desailly wants more to be done.
"Vinicius has spoken out, but it's not about him - it's about LaLiga and the people who can take action," he told Stats Perform.
"We have the power to change things, but we are not doing enough. Samuel Eto'o had the same issue before.
"Vinicius is one of those who is suffering because the administrative people in charge are not willing to hit harder than they are."
Vinicius has been a key player for LaLiga champions-elect Madrid once again this season with 13 goals and five assists in 23 outings.
Desailly regards Vinicius, who scored the winning goal in the 2022 Champions League final, as one of the finest players of his generation.
"He's a very ambitious player," Desailly said. "I think he's improved a lot because he is now clinical in assisting and finishing.
"When you look at someone like Ousmane Dembele, his stats are not as good.
"Then you look at Jadon Sancho, Bukayo Saka, another who has improved - there is potential for each of those to get close to Vinicius."
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