Santa's been! Santa's been! Santa's been!
Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year and we're all awfully excited that the big man has been.
But we're even more excited by the familiarity of a hectic Premier League schedule over the next few days!
We appreciate you may be about to tuck into your dinner or snoozing after over-indulging already, but why not digest some tasty Christmas Premier League facts before cracking on with the next beer?
Wondering where you might enjoy such a gem? Well, we have you covered below, with the help of the happy little elves at Opta.
A CRUZ FOR SANTA IN DECEMBER
We ho ho hope you don't mind a little Christmas gag to headline this section to get us cracking…
It seemed only fitting to start with a bit of a coincidence that a man with a festive theme in his name is responsible for the best minutes-per-goal ratio during the month of December (a minimum of six goals).
That man is ex-Blackburn Rovers striker Roque Santa Cruz, who netted nine times in 846 minutes for a ratio of 94 minutes per goal.
Just like Rudolph and the rest of the gang at the end of a busy Christmas Eve shift, Santa Cruz can still be reined in.
Divock Origi has eight December goals in 760 minutes for a goal every 95 minutes (just better than Mick Quinn's eight in 779 for a ratio of one every 97.4 mins). Liverpool team-mate Mohamed Salah has scored a mightily impressive 23 goals in December, with a minutes-to-goals ratio of 102.1.
MAYNOR THE KING OF THE CHRISTMAS CRACKERS?
Paper hats, Christmas jokes and cheaply assembled plastic toys…you all love pulling a cracker at Christmas!
And there have been many crackers scored in the month of December in the Premier League – not least Maynor Figueroa's 60.5-yard effort for Wigan Athletic against Stoke City back in 2009, which remains the longest of long-range goals in the competition during the final month of the calendar year.
The full-back's quick thinking with a free-kick from his own half caught Thomas Sorensen off guard and nestled in the back of the goal.
Former Portsmouth man Matt Taylor had a penchant for a long-range goal and his famous audacious volley against Everton in 2006 measured in at 40.6 yards.
Juan Mata (39.9 yards for Man Utd v Stoke), Sebastian Larsson (39.4 yards for Birmingham City versus Wigan) and Kevin De Bruyne (38.3 yards for Manchester City v Crystal Palace) all rank in the top five.
LLORIS AND THE KEEPERS GIFTING OUT THE GOODS
Christmas, at least under normal circumstances, is a time for spending time with loved ones and eating copious amounts of foods that aren't particularly good for us.
It is also, of course, if we're being honest, a time to exchange tat by the Christmas tree and say a silent prayer the generous buyer has kept the receipts.
Obviously, in football you're not supposed to be generous with your gifts – but Tottenham goalkeeper Hugo Lloris has been particularly forthcoming with presents for opposition teams at this time of year.
The France World Cup winner has committed seven errors in the month of December, a Premier League high and one more than Red Devils number one David de Gea.
SANTA'S NOT THE ONLY LAPLAND VISITOR
Santa makes his annual jolly around the globe to deliver presents to all the good boys and girls but back in 2001 there was another who heralded from Lapland to visit England.
Finland international Hannu Tihinen arrived on loan at West Ham from Norwegian side Viking and fittingly made his Premier League debut on Boxing Day!
In total he made only eight Premier League appearances, winning just once in England's top flight.
Perhaps the difference in quality was just – ahem – poles apart for Tihinen, who was nonetheless part of the side that memorably defeated Manchester United 1-0 in the FA Cup early in 2002.
RED DEVILS TOP OF THE TREE
The old cliche is that it means nothing to be top at Christmas…but for the sake of the jokes in this piece it's very important to be top of the tree come December 25!
Manchester United have sat in such a position on seven occasions, more than any other team, but Liverpool – six times – are the only side to hold top spot three seasons running having done so in 2018, 2019 and 2020.
In total, 11 sides have managed to be top at Christmas – Chelsea (5), Manchester City (3) and Arsenal (2) unsurprisingly also doing so. Norwich City, Blackburn Rovers, Newcastle United (2), Aston Villa, Leeds United and Leicester City have also achieved the honour.
There have been 15 instances of a team being in first place on December 25 and jingling all the way to the Premier League title, but nothing can be wrapped up this early in the season.
SNOW-BODY DOES IT BETTER THAN SHEARER OVER CHRISTMAS
For a man with 260 Premier League goals to his name, it should come as no surprise to hear that the player with the most goals scored in the period from December 26 to January 5 is Alan Shearer.
The Newcastle United great netted 23 times between those dates, five more than the 18 celebrated by former Liverpool striker Robbie Fowler.
Dimitar Berbatov and Jermain Defoe each have 17, the same amount as Tottenham star Harry Kane, who has Shearer's record in his sights.
JESUS RISES TO THE OCCASION
Christmas for many is mainly a secular celebration nowadays but the traditional meaning of the holiday season is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
In the Premier League, there have been six occasions of a player with Jesus in their name scoring a December goal – five of which were from Manchester City striker Gabriel Jesus.
The other was netted by former City winger Jesus Navas, who fittingly at this time of year often delivered for others – producing six December assists and amassing 74 crosses from open play.
Mesut Ozil announces retirement at age of 34
Former Arsenal and Real Madrid midfielder Mesut Ozil has announced his retirement from football at the age of 34.
The 92-cap Germany international, who won the World Cup with his country in 2014, also represented Schalke, Werder Bremen, Fenerbahce and Istanbul Basaksehir during his 17-year career.
Ozil was under contract with Turkish side Basaksehir until the end of the season, but he has called time on his playing career due to a number of injury issues.
"After thoughtful consideration, I'm announcing my immediate retirement from professional football," he wrote in a statement on his personal Twitter account on Wednesday.
"I've had the privilege to be a professional football player for almost 17 years now and I feel incredibly thankful for the opportunity.
"But in recent weeks and months, having also suffered some injuries, it's become more and more clear that it's time to leave the big stage of football."
Ozil started his career with Schalke before moving to fellow Bundesliga side Werder Bremen, where his impressive form across three seasons led to a move to Madrid.
In three campaigns at the Santiago Bernabeu, the German playmaker won a LaLiga title, a Copa del Rey and the Supercopa de Espana.
He joined Arsenal in a big-money deal in September 2013 and was arguably the best number 10 in world football for a period.
Indeed, the 146 chances Ozil created in 2015-16 remains the most ever in a single Premier League campaign.
After seven and a half years in north London, during which time he won four FA Cups, Ozil joined Fenerbahce on a free transfer after his Arsenal contract was terminated.
Ozil spent two largely unsuccessful seasons with Fener before making the switch to Basaksehir, where he had been restricted to just four league appearances this season.
"It has been an amazing journey filled with unforgettable moments and emotions," Ozil added in his statement.
"I want to thank my clubs – Schalke 04, Werder Bremen, Real Madrid, Arsenal FC, Fenerbahce, Basaksehir and the coaches who supported me, plus team-mates who have become friends.
"Special thanks must go to my family members and my closest friends. They have been a part of my journey from day one and have given me so much love and support, through the good times and the bad.
"Thank you to all my fans who have shown me so much love no matter the circumstances and no matter which club I was representing.
"Now I'm looking forward to everything that is in front of me with my beautiful wife, Amine, and my two beautiful daughters, Eda and Ela – but you can be sure that you will hear from me from time to time on my social media channels. See you soon, Mesut!"
At international level, Ozil started all seven of Germany's matches in their triumphant World Cup 2014 campaign.
He scored 23 goals in 92 appearances, the most recent of those caps coming against South Korea at the 2018 World Cup.
BREAKING NEWS: Mesut Ozil announces retirement at age of 34
Former Arsenal and Real Madrid midfielder Mesut Ozil has announced his retirement from football at the age of 34.
The former Germany international, who earned 92 caps for his country, also represented Schalke, Werder Bremen, Fenerbahce and Istanbul Basaksehir during his 17-year career.
Ozil was under contract with Turkish side Basaksehir until the end of the season, but he has called time on his playing career due to a number of injury issues.
Rabiot calm over Juventus future with all options open
France midfielder Adrien Rabiot would not suggest whether he plans to remain at Juventus despite his contract only running until the end of the season.
The Bianconeri are still fighting in the Europa League and Coppa Italia, after a 15-point deduction derailed their league campaign.
Rabiot insisted he is focused on the remainder of Juve's season rather than being drawn on his personal position in a Tuttosport interview.
He said: "My future? For the moment there is no news, but we will definitely talk soon, because in about two months the season will be over and we will try to discuss [it], but I'm calm.
"There is the possibility of leaving but also the possibility of signing a new contract with Juve.
"I feel good in Turin, I do a good job at the club and there is a good relationship with the management, my team-mates and the coach, who has also helped me.
"I believe all of this is important to feel good and therefore make the right choice for my future."
Rabiot might well have left Juve last year, when he reportedly came close to joining Manchester United, though a move to Old Trafford fell through.
After a difficult start to the season, Juve had thrust themselves into the Serie A title race. However, their chances were ended by a 15-point deduction due to financial irregularities.
As a result, Juve went into the international break in seventh, seven points behind fourth-placed Milan with 11 games remaining.
Rabiot added: "Without the 15 points [deduction] we would be able to qualify for the Champions League.
"But honestly, I say that we could qualify even if the penalty were to remain. I believe it.
"We are focussed on all fronts and clearly the Europa League is something we will try and win.
"There are still many good teams left, but we want to achieve something important. I'm confident we can win both the Europa League and the Coppa.
"We are having a complicated season for all the reasons that are known, but I believe that despite this, we are able to win.
"In fact, to be honest, I can also say that succeeding would give us even greater satisfaction."
Juve's second game after the international break is the first leg of their Coppa semi-final against Inter, with the Bianconeri having beaten Simone Inzaghi's side at the San Siro in Serie A to round off their pre-break fixtures.
"The lads in the team have a lot of desire to win, also because it is the historical spirit of Juventus," Rabiot said.
"The DNA of the club is clear, and we all want to pass it on to those who arrive.
"If I have to tell the truth, the impression I got on Sunday is, Inter is a team less strong than the one we faced in Turin.
"They also seemed less strong than last year. I had the feeling that they felt less confidence."
Rabiot's initial focus is on France, with Les Bleus facing the Netherlands and the Republic of Ireland in Euro 2024 qualifiers over the coming days.
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